I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
