my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
