Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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