Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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