2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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