I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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