She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
