You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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