I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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