from now on my penis is your penis
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
