Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
