Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
