You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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