Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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