i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
