I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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