I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
