this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
