Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
