this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
