Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
