A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
