I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
