I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
my god I love twenty year old dicks
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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