I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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