Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
