So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
