He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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