i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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