i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
