I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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