there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
