He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
