you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
