Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
