Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
