new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
