and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
