Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
