Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
