If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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