Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
