Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We are two peas in an std pod
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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