My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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