Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
