dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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