Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
