don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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