Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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