He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
