Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
