The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
