hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found puke in my bra..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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